Something's cooking in Apartment 205.

Cook to Bang: Recipes to Get You Laid

In by Katherine, The Internets on October 21 at 4:57 pm

Fair warning: this featured blog is not for the prudish, but it was too quirky to pass up a post.  Cook to Bang was started by a foodie/comedy writer who has found his life purpose: to write recipes that get you laid.

Miso Horny Cod

"Miso Horny Cod"

Described as “Tyler Florence meets Tucker Max” by Publishers Weekly, the site’s recipes are all unabashedly sexual puns, the most polite of which include “Pad See Ooh Baby!” and “Mo-rockin’ Moroccan Salad.”   Then again, as the blog says,

“If you’re looking at this site, you are most certainly asking for trouble.  This is not a nice blog to share with your grandmother.  Perhaps your mom, if she’s open-minded or a hot MILF.”

Chicken Out Your Pineapples Salad

"Chicken Out Your Pineapples Salad"

The blog originated when its writer, tired of seeing his fellow men shell out for expensive dinners without getting anywhere, decided to apply his culinary training to the greater good.  As he reasons,

Everyone should COOK TO BANG because it’s…

1.    CHEAPER THAN A RESTAURANT
2.    THEY’RE ALREADY IN YOUR HOME
3.    YOU’RE DESSERT

 

Whether or not you agree, you’ll have to admit that the recipes themselves are pretty legit.  And for the hapless among you, each recipe is accompanied by step-by-step pictures.

Sauce for Raw & Raunchy Oysters

Sauce for "Raw & Raunchy Oysters"

The blog also includes a section for testimonials:

“Up here in Porkland, Oregon there’s very little tail that hasn’t expired or gone lumberjill.  But when you do find one you can’t just be another emo hipster with a cool tattoo.  Cook to fucking bang!  That’s why they call wining and DINING them.  That FLAT ON YOUR BACK FLATBREAD PIZZA recipe cost me a short trip to Trader Joes and a 3-pak of Trojans.” Michael in Portland

 

Ready to get things cooking yourself?  Check out Cook to Bang here.

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